I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
FUCK WHALES
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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