What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
