Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
