We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
