Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
