she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
