Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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