Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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