i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
