After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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