the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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