Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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