You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
