U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
