I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
