Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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