I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
