At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
