Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
