Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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