Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
