she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
