I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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