he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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