it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
