she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
