there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
