how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
