Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
