I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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