just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
