this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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