Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
