come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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