I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
