we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
