Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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