'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
