I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
