im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
