They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
