dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize