Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
