Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's blow job season.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Let's get the cat blown out
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
