last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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