i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize