I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
