dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
BRING THE BAGELS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
