So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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