Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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