So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
