I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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