2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
