Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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