the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I want to have your abortion
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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