we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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