i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
