I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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