Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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