I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I pour the whiskey from now on
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
