It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is Oprah even human
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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