Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
