I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Found the puke drawer
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
