Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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