At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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