Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
