FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
nutella sex= disaster
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
