I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
