I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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