Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
