i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize