when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
