Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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