So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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