508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need to calm my uterus...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
