do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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