will power is for people who don't want to get laid
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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