After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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