What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
well you can't waste a boner
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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