making cat noises will not fix the situation.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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