dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
