State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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