im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
