Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
