You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
