felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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