I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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