Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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