Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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