there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
