There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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