Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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