I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
