for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
