I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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