well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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