I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
