dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you will always have a special place in my vag
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
