You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sober January is a disaster.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
